Kristi Jancar my dear soul friend! I’m so in love with your empathy! 🤗 And let me tell you a secret: the reason why I’m always saying being beyond grateful for all the traumas the universe throwed at me with the risk of shocking many (I’ll share another piece explaining why I’m not celebrating my "official" birthday anymore another time) and why all my works are around the subconscious program explicitly or implicitly is that my history is what made it possible for me to break free! It was always exactly what I needed and was ABLE TO HANDLE, most importantly! I had already destroyed the major part of my limiting beliefs both about myself and the world (where all the subtle manipulation takes place) and re-written my chosen principle-fueled program at the moment of making that discovery! My savior pattern was merely part of the residual part 😊. So, to answer your interrogation, absolutely not! I already reconnected with my purest gut and I have always felt something was off! It’s just that my inner child was stubborn and didn’t wanna believe it!