I’m afraid it’s not that obvious! When a person is codependent, that they’ve been seeing their identity through their narcissistic partner who made a master job in gaslighting them, the self-doubt and self-loathing will have the last word! That’s specifically what frustrates me! With a very low self-esteem (starting from childhood and irresponsible parenting and finished by the narcissist abuse), those eternally-tormented individuals who lost their soul battle to evil are rarely facing consequences and held accountable for their crimes against humanity. By accusing the victims of not seeing it, I believe that you are taking the side of the perpetrator and I’m pretty sure that’s not what you want for yourself.